Empathy Over Sympathy
Why I chose empathy over sympathy?
The everyday person is sympathetic.
We see someone in suffering and respond "Oh my God! This is horrible! This is terrible! We are so sorry for you! It shouldn't have happened like this to you! But you see, life goes on! I hope you get out of your misery!"
The person in misery is even more confused, more tense and more pathetic with sympathy than before. The person believes to be in a place where he is standing far away from the illusionary happy society around him. The person in misery is in a place which is a hell, far away from the happy heavens of normal people.
The truth is, we often judge people going through a tough phase. "Oh she got divorced... Must've been a terrible wife. She is a totally mute person, no wonder why her cheerful husband decided to cheat on her!" But when you see the recently divorced person; here you are with a lovely facade: "Honey! it's terrible you are going through divorce! Trust me you deserve better!"
A country is going through war, torn in civil disasters. The civilian casualties are peaking, you are witnessing horrible deaths everyday. The pain, the suffering is beyond farthest stretches of your imagination. You can't tolerate a single cut on your finger even though you are in your twenties. You get a minor flu and you rush to hospitals. Imagine a country where the children are loosing limbs, getting no meals and live in fear of exploding bombs every single minute. Imagine being stuck there with your family, with your whole life, your friends, everyone you ever knew. Imagine the place you call home, is that country. You have no facility of modern civilization left, every single place has been bombed and destroyed. Imagine waiting for a sudden death to be relieved of your miserable existence.
Now, we live in a weird world. We are still debating which politician is responsible for war, which one responsible for bombing, which group is right, which one is wrong, which one is worth to side with. All the while we keep witnessing deaths, and keep blaming everyone for them. We are sympathizing with innocents yet judging them for being too innocent, for not being able to defend themselves. "They should've seen it coming.." "It's because they live in a country with failing system, and they did nothing to change that system.." So here we are. Sympathizing first, judging later.
It's never the SYMPATHY the person in misery needs
It's not how sorry you feel
It's not how much unfair the situation you believe the person is facing
It's about what you do to play a role to lessen the suffering
How much could you understand
How much you can open your heart to whats and whys of another person
It's how much you are willing to put in for a real change, to end that suffering
It's how much you ditch your own shoes and wear someone else's for even a single minute
It's your EMPATHY they need: A real deal for change without judgments of whys and whats.
Merriam Webster defines EMPATHY as "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner." In simpler words, you extend understanding, care, hope, perspective to the person in suffering. You stop judging, you try to find solutions. You are ready to put an effort to heal, to mend, to put back together, to give it a new life out of broken, lost pieces.
CHOOSE EMPATHY
Choosing empathy will make you
More observing
Less judgmental
Less afraid
More open
More accepting
More critical
More realistic
More nurturing
More realistic
So empathy relies on understanding, finding a perspective and acting to help the person in pain, for all the on-going struggles. I pray, wish and believe, next time it's empathy you (the reader) will choose as compared to sympathy whenever you'll see someone in pain.
The everyday person is sympathetic.
We see someone in suffering and respond "Oh my God! This is horrible! This is terrible! We are so sorry for you! It shouldn't have happened like this to you! But you see, life goes on! I hope you get out of your misery!"
The person in misery is even more confused, more tense and more pathetic with sympathy than before. The person believes to be in a place where he is standing far away from the illusionary happy society around him. The person in misery is in a place which is a hell, far away from the happy heavens of normal people.
The truth is, we often judge people going through a tough phase. "Oh she got divorced... Must've been a terrible wife. She is a totally mute person, no wonder why her cheerful husband decided to cheat on her!" But when you see the recently divorced person; here you are with a lovely facade: "Honey! it's terrible you are going through divorce! Trust me you deserve better!"
A country is going through war, torn in civil disasters. The civilian casualties are peaking, you are witnessing horrible deaths everyday. The pain, the suffering is beyond farthest stretches of your imagination. You can't tolerate a single cut on your finger even though you are in your twenties. You get a minor flu and you rush to hospitals. Imagine a country where the children are loosing limbs, getting no meals and live in fear of exploding bombs every single minute. Imagine being stuck there with your family, with your whole life, your friends, everyone you ever knew. Imagine the place you call home, is that country. You have no facility of modern civilization left, every single place has been bombed and destroyed. Imagine waiting for a sudden death to be relieved of your miserable existence.
Now, we live in a weird world. We are still debating which politician is responsible for war, which one responsible for bombing, which group is right, which one is wrong, which one is worth to side with. All the while we keep witnessing deaths, and keep blaming everyone for them. We are sympathizing with innocents yet judging them for being too innocent, for not being able to defend themselves. "They should've seen it coming.." "It's because they live in a country with failing system, and they did nothing to change that system.." So here we are. Sympathizing first, judging later.
It's never the SYMPATHY the person in misery needs
It's not how sorry you feel
It's not how much unfair the situation you believe the person is facing
It's about what you do to play a role to lessen the suffering
How much could you understand
How much you can open your heart to whats and whys of another person
It's how much you are willing to put in for a real change, to end that suffering
It's how much you ditch your own shoes and wear someone else's for even a single minute
It's your EMPATHY they need: A real deal for change without judgments of whys and whats.
Merriam Webster defines EMPATHY as "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner." In simpler words, you extend understanding, care, hope, perspective to the person in suffering. You stop judging, you try to find solutions. You are ready to put an effort to heal, to mend, to put back together, to give it a new life out of broken, lost pieces.
CHOOSE EMPATHY
Choosing empathy will make you
More observing
Less judgmental
Less afraid
More open
More accepting
More critical
More realistic
More nurturing
More realistic
So empathy relies on understanding, finding a perspective and acting to help the person in pain, for all the on-going struggles. I pray, wish and believe, next time it's empathy you (the reader) will choose as compared to sympathy whenever you'll see someone in pain.
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